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If Cats Were in Charge

Whilst dogs are mostly thought of as man’s best friend, cats are often considered to be scheming and even evil. They are usually portrayed as such in the movies, reinforcing their stereotypical image. According to Hollywood, cats are manipulative conspirators who run the neighbourhood when our backs are turned. They are gleefully plotting our downfall whilst deceiving us with their cute appearance. They are conducting the orchestra and getting other pets to play their tune.

Cats in the Movies

We can suspend our disbelief when we are watching a movie, mainly because film makers are skilled at imbuing their characters with a big enough dose of reality to ensure that we recognise the behaviour of our own pets in those we see on the big screen.

But what would really happen if cats were in charge?

Trending on Twitter

This was the fascinating question trending on twitter last week. #ifcatswereincharge inspired a raft of interesting and amusing tweets variously suggesting that dogs would be banned, international cat nip smuggling would be rife and that the feline population would spend most of its time watching Youtube videos of people!

These are, of course, preposterous suggestions. Cats wouldn’t need to smuggle cat nip because they would have an army of humans growing it for them and serving it up in a variety of interesting toy mice for them to chase. They wouldn’t ban dogs because they would be far too busy sleeping to have the time to pass the legislation. They wouldn’t bother making and watching videos of people because it is videos of cats which go viral and make £millions not clips of people.

The Feline Way

They wouldn’t need to earn a fortune anyway as they would make sure that they had rent free accommodation, free medical treatment, a chauffeur and a servant who prepares their meals. They would motivate manufacturers and entrepreneurs to create the perfect foods for them. They would encourage them to design little doors that enable cats to come and go as they please and to create painless treatments for flea infestations. They would make sure that there were plenty of retailers where their servants could spend all of their wages purchasing these useful things for their cat bosses together with scratching posts for them to enjoy and cosy beds for them to lie in.

The cats would then do exactly what they wanted to all day whilst the rest of the world ran around catering to their every whim. They would spend most of their days sleeping unless their territory was visited by the odd unsuspecting mouse or garden bird in which case they would kill it. Naturally they wouldn’t have to clear up the aftermath but would simply have to deposit the corpse on their servant’s floor and it will be disposed of in double quick time.

Perhaps the question shouldn't be 'if cats were in charge'. They already are!


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